20 Jul Sunday – It Was Over
Ladies, perhaps you have existing ways to help you cope with your husband/boyfriend’s addiction, or things you have learned which helped you to shift your focus, and keep your mind off of the situation, as we’ve mentioned in this Blog coping mechanisms that we found- which kept us functioning during some awful and traumatic times. One of the other things that really helped me get through the loss of my relationship, was music. Thinking about and listening to lyrics in songs, and just being able to relate to them for over 7 years really helped me cope, and was the reason we named this Blog, All That You Can’t Leave Behind. Taken from U2’s album, because Stuck in a Moment was a song we both could really relate to, lyrically, in helping us move on, past broken relationships – we both were Stuck in a Moment (or many moments!). So you will see the theme of music in my posts, as I may relay a song’s lyrics that helped me cope, and pass it on to you, to listen to the lyrics, and really try to obtain something from them – a word that will help you to move forward also.
I recently heard Luke Bryan’s song, “Roller Coaster,” and could relate to the lyrics. The lyrics state, on “Sunday – It Was Over,” and sometimes we may not get all of the time we wanted or needed with that person, it could just end suddenly one day, on a Sunday perhaps like these lyrics. The situation could be so drastic, that you see them one minute, and they are gone the next. With addicts, life can be so up and down and you never know what to expect. In the process of going through a loved one’s addiction, if you are, I wanted to remind you of two very important things to keep in mind during it all. Once I was able to finally get some grief counseling after loosing my relationship, years after I started GAPHT and after the loss, the wonderful counselor I found, after doing much research to find her, told me, “Tiffany, you have to find a way to bring a new kind of joy into your life.” This was some of the best advice I have ever received – a gem to this day and she was right – we have to replace loss, grief, and heartache, with joy, laughter, and happiness ladies. You just have to.
Luke Bryan’s song reminded me of two very important things for you – gems that I wish I had known going through this and what I learned after:
1.) Don’t Leave Things Unsaid – say what you need to say. You will always regret the things that you didn’t say to your loved one, whether its “I Love You” and as long as you get help for this I will support you, or if its just to tell them how you felt about them and that you have to let go because they won’t get help, don’t be afraid to just say it, the thing you need to say, knowing that you’ll never have to regret what you didn’t say. Living with the regret is far worse, then dealing with the fear of what should be said.
2.) If the relationship ends by whatever means, by you ending it, or them leaving/ending it – Find a way to bring a new kind of joy into your life ladies.
This will be crucial for you to be able to let the past go….
You are in our thoughts always, xoxo,
Photo Credit: Joao Andre O. Dias