02 Jan 11/5/09 – Ask Us: Question from male struggling with newspaper advertising
“My local paper runs weekly ads for Macys that show attractive women in small lacy undergarments. Is this pornography? Sometimes these ads strike me as so nicely composed and shot that I study the work professionally (I’m in catalog design), but inevitably I find myself growing aroused. Does this mean I have a Porn Addiction and just never knew it? How can I break this to my wife and what type(s) of help should I/we seek? Do I have to give up reading the newspaper to avoid Macys ads? PLS HELP!
Special Guest Response from Dan, the Founder of Men of Impact (http://menofimpact.net/):
I first want to thank you for writing in! It shows that you want to better yourself for you and your wife and that is so commendable. I wouldnt say that those photos are pornographic as much as they can be inappropriate to viewers other than women. I think it can also be irresponsible for those who market such revealing photos but unfortunately this is everywhere in the United States. Even though it is everywhere we can take a strong stand against how we personally allow it in our lives and you have made that first and biggest step my friend! You make me proud. Sounds like you do catalog work for a living but let me tell you that it’s easy to tell ourselves one thing so we can justify our actions. Everyone does it, I have done it, and I have to guard myself from still doing it. I would say that you are doing this in the way of saying I work in catalog design so you study these nicely composed photos. You do not need to see these photos to help in your job in any way. I understand the correlation you are making but it is not a must for your work and you can view just about anything else to study and admire. First step is admitting there is a problem and you have done that and done that so simply; I am amazed! Again I am proud and must say that men have such a strong hold in this area of admitting wrong doing. It’s called pride. Pride is the single most rooted cause of mens addictions and issues that we struggle with! Second step is taking wise actions against your addiction. I have an Internet filter on my laptop that I am writing to you from in my house. I will not allow myself to view pornography in anyway and I have to take this wise step and action so even if I am tempted to view pornography; I cannot even access it! See how that wise step and action works? It’s essential and you have to take this with your paper. If it means not getting the paper sent to your home and you can only view it at Starbucks or out in public then so be it. Even though this could be very much an inconvenience for you especially since this is tied to your career in some way possibly you have to weigh the inconvenience with what you may be giving up in your marriage and in life with this addiction. Looking at it through that view its an easy decision or should be for you. Personaly having an Internet filter is an inconvenience to me in a big way! Every day I cannot view some innocent website, or youtube, or many sites that I need to get on and I have to think of another way of getting that information. I do a lot of computer work also for career, university research, and other things but when I weighed it against what I would give up if I viewed pornography and what those damages were it was one of the easiest decisions I had ever made! Third step is accountability. If you are familiar with the Bible at all it says a lot on this subject of accountability. If you dont mind I will share two verses with you. James 5:16a says, “Confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed.” Also Proverbs 27:17 says, ” As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” These verses talk about accountability. I strongly recommend accountability in your life. I would find a good male friend who you trust and let him know exactly what you are doing, don’t water it down at all. Ask him if he would keep you accountable in this area. Make sure you will be completely honest with him. If this doesn’t work then you should tell your wife as well what is going on and bring forth the truth to her. Tell her in a way that shows love and care for her and that is why you are telling her. Ask her for help in this area as you two are partners and one together and marriages are to help one another and support one another. I know I have written a lot but you sound like you are on the right path and with a continued conscience that you have and with some good decision making you will prevail a better man and husband and will live a victorious and fulfilled life!